Friday Funnies 10/12/12

One-liners:
Grant: Quit making so much laundry for me!
Grant: Mom, only boys get to pee outside, right?
Grant: My fortune says I'm gonna go to Africa!

Elena: I can't find my baby Dora and I'm gonna have a meltdown!
Elena: I'm sorry Mom... and I forgive you! 
Elena: Mom, read my fortune... does it say I'm gonna get some money?


The kids were talking to Rick on the phone while he is in Minnesota. Keep in mind Elena has an excellent imagination and powerful story-telling skills!
Elena: Dad, where are you?
Rick: I'm at my hotel.
Elena: Are you far, far away?
Rick: Yep- I'm in Minnesota about 8 hours away.
Elena: How did you get there if it's so far away?
Rick: I drove my car.
Elena: Hey Dad, my sister Alicia is there too and she's missing me cuz she's far away!
Rick: Oh-uh-ok!
Elena: Dad, I have a plan! (plans are her new thing) Do you know where to find my sister Alicia?
Rick: Um, no I don't.
Elena: Dad, do you know how to get to town?
Rick: What?
Elena: Do you know how to get to town?
Rick: Um, I guess so.
Elena: Mom- it's a far town. He doesn't know how to get to far town. (shakes her head)
Me: Well, he might know.
Elena: Dad, do you know how to get to far town? Alicia is in far town and she's missing me.  She can't drive back here cuz there's fog... and she can't see... she might have to walk.... (trailing off)
Me and Rick: {laughing}
Elena: I will find her myself!



Grant: Yum! I love Owanges!
Elena: Owens?
Grant: No- Owanges!
Elena: You can say Owen and Oranges!
Grant: Yep!



Elena: Mom, look! I want that baby!
Me: You already have lots of babies!
Elena: I want to go to a garage sale and get a new one!
Me: You don't need any more babies.
Elena: Mom, I have a plan!
Me: You do?
Elena: Yes!  When I get big, I'm gonna be a Mama and put a baby in my tummy and then I will make her be boringed (born).


Elena got in bed with me overnight because she was cold, but when I woke up she was gone.
Me: Sissy, why did you go back to your own bed last night?
Elena: Mom, you were breavin' in my face and going (insert snoring sounds)
Me: What?!?!  I don't snore!
Elena: Ya huh Mom!  And your breaf stinks!
(Oh, the love)

Friday Funnies 10/5/12

Grant: Mom, do you want me to brush your hair?
Me: Oh yes!  Mommy loves to have her hair brushed!
Grant: Ok.
Me: Just be careful of the pins in my hair.
(He proceeds to very intently brush my hair, but then he starts pulling my bangs out of the bobby-pins)
Me: Ok- thanks bub.  That's enough.
Grant: (so serious) Mom... do you want to look like a punk?!?!


Elena:  Mom, can we watch one more cartoon?
Me: No, it's getting late.  You need to go potty and get ready for bed.
Elena: (sulking) Ok.
5 mins later...
Elena: (whining) Please Mom, can we please watch just one more cartoon please if we promise to be quiet?
Me: (in my tired Mommy growl) No! Go get ready for bed!
Elena: (from down the hall) Grant, Mom said (impersonating my growl) NO!

On a walk...
Grant: Can we go that way?
Me: No, that's the highway.  We need to go this way.
Grant: Oh, cuz we gotta go the Low-Way?

Our dear friend Christy that lives up the street from us was having plumbing issues one evening so she asked if she could come down and give her son Eliot a bath at our house.  I told her that was fine as long as she didn't mind having two additional kids join in!
Elena: Eliot has a little pee-pee 'cause he is a baby...
Christy: Oh- ok.
Elena: ... and Grant has a big pee-pee 'cause he's a big boy...
Christy: Mmmm-hmmm
Elena:... and my Daddy has a really, really, really...
Christy: (yelling) Hey, Carly...
(this is especially funny because Rick is SO private and not a "naked person" at all!)


Elena: Mom, when I find a grasshopper, I'm gonna put him in an acorn so he can turn into a butterfly.
Me: OK!?!?


Elena: Can I have this?
Me: It's a mint and it's hard so you have to be careful not to choke on it.
Elena: Ok.
(a few mins later)
Elena: Mom, I ate my mint all gone.
Me: Ok.
Elena: Mom, I chewed it and then I swallowed it and you know if you do that, it makes your brain healfy (healthy)!


Grant fell asleep in our bed the other night. He was laying on Rick's arm, so I said I would carry him to his bed. We have a king size bed and he was right in the middle, so I had to kneel on the bed so I could reach him. OH MY GOODNESS! He has gotten so stinkin' heavy! I scooped him up and could barely move to get out of the bed. And then Rick and I got laughing so hard that I thought I was going to drop him. He was so zonked out and just dead-weight! I guess I haven't carried him to bed in a while. He's definitely not a baby anymore!

Friday Funnies 9/21/12

Late again!  At the rate I'm going, I may need to rename these posts to Saturday Sillies or Weekend Wackies!

Me: Daddy is leaving. Say bye!
G &E (in unison): Bye Dad!
Rick: Bye!  I'll be back in a little while!  Be good for your Mom!
Me: And take a nap!
Elena: We will take a nap.... and be punks! 
Grant: Yea! We will be punks, Dad!
Rick: Ok! Bye!
Elena: Watch out for Polar Bears!
Rick: Um... ok!  I will watch out.
(Rick leaves)
Me: Polar Bears?  Are there Polar Bears outside?
Elena: Yep!  And if you see one, you gotta stop! Just Stop! And you can't go or drive or walk or nuffin'!  Then you gotta say, "Get outta here you Polar Bear!"  Then they will go and you can keep going!
Grant: But if you don't stop... (very serious and quiet)... they will eat you! (Pause/subject change) Yaina - wets finish our party decorations.


Grant was pounding on the back door to be let in, but I was giving a baby a bottle.
Me: Elena, will you go open the door for Grant please?
Elena: (without looking up from her coloring, not sassy, just matter of fact) No.
Me: Please sissy!  I'm giving the baby her bottle.
Elena: (still no eye contact) No.
(Grant is still pounding on the door)
Me: Please-- I'll give you a hundred bucks!
Elena: (finally looks up) A hundred bucks? A hundred?
Me: Sure!
Elena: What's a hundred bucks?

I was in the kitchen doing the dishes when I realized it was much too quiet in the house!
Me: Elena! Grant!  What are you doing?
Elena: I'm just watching cartoons Mom.
Me: Where is Grant?
Elena: In da bafroom brushin' his teef!
Me: Hmm- or making a mess.
Elena: Yep- prolly makin' a mess.
So I walk down to the bathroom to find Grant scrubbing the bathroom sink.
Me: Hey Bub!  Whatcha' doing?
Grant: I gotta get my chores done before everybody gets here!
Me: I don't think anyone is coming over today.
Grant: Mom- you never know. And my teacher says I gotta do all my chores.
Me: Oh-ok. Well finish up. It's almost time for lunch.
Grant: (looks up from his diligent cleaning) It's gonna take a while.
That kid cracks me up!

Friday Funnies 9/7/2012 (a little late again)

Earlier this year, Papa Daugherty found out he is diabetic.  Fortunately, he has done a tremendous job of cutting out a lot of sweets, bread and other diabetic no-no's from his diet and has dropped quite a bit of weight and seems to be managing his blood-sugar levels quite well. In the process, the twins have discovered a whole new vocabulary and also like to remind Papa (and everyone else) that too much sugar isn't good for you.

Elena: Can I have some of that pop?
Rick: Yes, you can have a little.
Elena: Does it got dia-bead-uhs in it?

Me: Grant, do you want any ice cream?
Grant: Does it got sugar in it?
Me: Ummm... yes, I'm sure it does have some sugar in it. Why?
Grant: Well da doctor says I can't have sugar cause it makes me have dia-bead-uhs.

Elena: Mommy, Grammy says Papa has No Butt!
Grant: Yea! And he does gots a butt cause everybody gots a butt, right Mom?

Elena: Mommy, how come you don't have a bun?
Me: I'm just going to eat the pork chop.
Elena: You don't like buns?
Me: Actually, I love buns but I'm trying not to eat too much sugar.
Grant: Cause you gots dia-bead-uhs?
Me: No, I don't have diabetes.
Grant: Papa likes buns too but his doctor said no bread for you cause you gots the dia-bead-uhs!

Friday Funnies 8/31/12 (a little late)

I have been slacking on my Friday Funnies!  My first excuse is that my beautiful neice, Audrey Marie was born 2 Fridays ago, so I was distracted with excitement and joy over her arrival!  My 2nd excuse is that I had an extra kiddo for 2 weeks and although he is a good kid, he has WAAAAY more energy than I am used to and I was wiped out!!!  LOL!  And my 3rd and final excuse is that I have been lying to myself!  The worst lie!  I lie to myself and say, "I don't need to write that down... I will remember!"  NOT!  Isn't it crazy how things just completely leave your brain! I literally sat at the computer one evening to start typing all of the funny things that had been uttered around our house... and nothing!  I could not remember a single thing!  {ugh!}

I had my own funny moment this week- at least I LOL'd at myself!

Me: Have you brushed your teeth?
G&E in unison: Nooooo!
Me: Ok- then go brush! And no pushing! Share! And be careful on the chair!.... And all that other good stuff Mom's are supposed to say... {LOL!}
G&E: {Blank stares}


Elena: I can't find my baby!
Me: I think she's in your bed.  Didn't you take her to bed last night?
Elena: Yes and I feeled and feeled all over da place and she's not nowheres!
Me: You lifted up your sheets to look for her?
Elena: No, I just feeled and feeled and she's nowheres in my bed!
{Walk into E's room with her, lift up the sheet-- and Viola! Baby!}
Elena: Baby!  Why were you hiddin' from me?

Friday Funnies 8/10/12

Grant: Mom, I'm going to sing you a song about stinky pits!
Me: What?!? Where did you hear a song about stinky pits?
Grant: I learned it myself!
Me: You mean you made it up?
Grant: No, I just learned it.
Me: Ok- let's hear it.

Grant: Stinky pits... stinky pits... I got stinky pits... and you got stinky pits... Everybody gots stinky pits!
{I love having a boy!}



I read a book to the kids about how much we love them.  One page talks about how we love them even when they get in trouble.
Me: Elena, go back to bed! (this was easily the 5th time she had been out of bed)
Elena: But I'm not tired.
Me: It's late and it's bedtime. If you don't go back to bed you are going to get in big trouble and then what do you think happens?  (I was indicating that she would get a spanking)
Elena: You will still love me!


Rick: What did you learn at VBS tonight?
Grant: God is good!
Rick: That's great!  And Elena, what did you learn?
Elena: I was singing my favorite song with.... (pause, looks at me)... what's my best friend's name?






Rick: Look Grant! There is Uncle Ryan's choo-choo!
Grant: Where? Where?
Rick: Way over there! See it?
Grant: I want to go see Uncle Ryan's choo-choo!
Rick: You can see it- it's over there!
Grant: But I want to gooooo seeeee it! We have to gooooo or it will all be ruined forever!
(Not sure where he picked up the word 'ruined', but he uses it to be quite dramatic! Last week all the colors of his whole life were "ruined"!)

Friday Funnies 8/3/12

Me: Elena, you need to wipe your face. It's a mess!
Elena: (walks over and grabs a scarf and wipes her face)
Me: Hey that isn't a towel!  Why did you wipe your face on that scarf?
Elena: Cuz you told me to wipe my face.
Me: But that isn't a towel.
Elena: But we can pretend it is a towel... (big smirk)





Elena: Mom, I'm taking my cat to Africa to find his mother!
Me: Ok- are you going to fly?
Elena: No, he's a cat. Only birds fly.
Me: Oh, are you going to take a boat?
Elena: No, a boat is too slow.... I think if we call Nana she can drive us and we will hafta tell her, "Go Faster! Go Faster!"

Grant was coloring on the computer this morning.  We have a touch screen program that the kids love and I love it because it is completely mess free finger painting!
Grant: (growling noise) It keeps going white!
Me: You colored the whole screen black.
Grant: (more growling) I wanna have it be 5 colors!
Me: Ok, then you have to tap on another color, but don't color the whole screen.
Grant: (BIG GROWL) All the colors of my whole life are RUINED!


(I think an early nap is in order today!)